Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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