I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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