I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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