i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
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