I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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