Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
