I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
