I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
