I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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