I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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