I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
