I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize