Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize