She is in my trunk
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
