You're earring is so big in my mouth
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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