Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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