THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
