Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
