he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
