can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
