i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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