im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
