I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
