YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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