you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
