i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
