I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
