at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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