It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
