I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
