The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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