his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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