I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
