Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
