you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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