he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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