im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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