Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
