you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
