That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
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you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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