you're like a bully in the Christmas story
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
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She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
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classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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