Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
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i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
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You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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