So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
