ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
