Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
