It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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