i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
