We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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