P.S. I can't hear my feet
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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