so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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