I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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