I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
