If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
