If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
