This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
My life is pants optional.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
