Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
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