Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
