Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
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The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
we're so committed to being not committed
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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