If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
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Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You pole danced in your parka.
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I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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