somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
