One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
