my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
