I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Dicks are not precious.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
