The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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