dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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