she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
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He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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