The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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