I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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