Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize