Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
