So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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