Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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