The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
