forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
