Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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