you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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