Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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