she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
