well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
