Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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